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New Poems - 2005

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We thank the youth of today for their deep appreciation of mullets and everything mullet. Without them, the memory of mullets would certainly have faded...

Mullet Poems...

"The Pariah"

Mullet, oh mullet, society's bane.
Whenever they see mine, they feel shooting pain.
Until I turn around you never can guess
Am I "man" am I "woman"? You try to see my chest.

A mullet-haired woman is likely a dyke.
Trying to win contests as "man look-a-like".
But mullet-haired men are still living their past.
Probably the decade when we got laid last.

"Medieval Times" is now the only place
Where a mullet may actually make hot chicks hearts race.
But unless you're employed as a pirate or knight,
A mullet will make you an object of spite.

-- KR


"Mullet Talk"

One day i was walking into town
My legs were shaky and I had a frown
I wasn't quite sure what was going on
until I realized my mullet was gone
I panicked I urinated
I puked and deficated
Theres one thing in this world
that i'm scared of
and thats a world without mullets
and no mullet love.

-- Cory

"Mullets Rule"

Mullet's are the greatest
My alegbra teacher has one
It is so cool, it has become the latest
It is so much cooler than just a bun
i wish i had one

Now my spanish teacher has the new hairdo!
The mullet is spreading like an epidemic
Joe Dirt should sue!
to never know what a is mullet would make me sick!
If i had to choose, i'd know what i'd pick!
-- Anna P!

"Oh if I Only had a Mullet"

Oh i love mullets. yes i do
Theyre for me and not for you!
If i had a mullet i would wear it with pride
not like some of you who would just hide
I would not be ashamed
I would consider it fame
oh if only I had a Mullet!
-- Amber Lynch

"Friday Night Mullet Style"

A frehly cut flat top on my head
a permed mullet on my neck
A waxed Camaro in my driveway
$250.00 on my last check

Old Milwaukee in the fridge
and a nickel bag of weed
Oh yeah! it's Friday night
Let the good times roll indeed!

Picked up some girls from the county fair
you know they can't resist
My Camaro, my flat top, my mullet with a twist

We went back to my place
where we listened to Ozzy all night
Just tokin' and smokin'
yeah we're feeling alright!

Got a little action from a girl
with a Def Leppard shirt and big hair
Didn't practice safe sex, cause I just don't care

It was time for her to go
as night broke into dawn
after stroking my mullet and itching my crotch
I threw up the devil horns and said, "Rock on!"

Well the weekend is over
yes it's come to a close
Next weekend's checklist:
Cut my mullet, beer, weed, Ozzy, and big haired hoes.

-- JW

"Mullets, Hmmm, Yes"

Why and how we ask the garden gnomes
Mullets they never die
the shiny plastic blinds the sprites
they whisper for-ever more
pip pip my chics
long live the puc and mullets.
-- Sar blank-street

"Mull-stache Hick that lives on a Bus"

It's not just your mullet, that makes me stare.
It's not just your mull-stache, that accents your hair.
With your smoke in your mouth, and your monster truck flick.
It's no wonder why people call you a hick.
Your trailer trash antics, create quite a fuss.
Why'd I say trailer? YOU LIVE ON A BUS!
You smash beer cans on your forehead, and laugh with your friends.
You should go get a hair cut, I can see your split ends.
Poor, Jasper, your braincells are basically gone.
So go sober up and get off of my lawn!
-- Brittany

"*Mullet Love*"

Oh mullets oh mullets
Oh how I love you
If I don't have you
I get very blue

everytime I see one
it catches my eye
i fall in love
each and everytime

some people hate them
but i do not
some people think they're trailer trash
but i think they're hot

--Ashley and Anna

More Mullet Poetry!

"Mullet Cat"

Theo is the name of my cat
his shiny hair of white and black

He's the thug of the hood
With his mullet he's looking good

All the other homie cats
run away to the back
when Theo with his mullet
come down the path to strut it.

-- Aliceson R.


"My Mullet Poem

Mullet Oh Mullet You Are My Best Friend
You Have Been With Me Through Thick And Thin
In Pre-K When The Kids Call Me Ugly And Poo Poo
I Always Had You As Somethin To Talk To
You Helped Me Get My First Job
Pumping Gas At The Local Gas Station
Mullet Oh Mullet Let This Be My Thanks To You
Without You Mullet I Dont Know What Id Do
Id Have No Redneck Husband Or No Damn Whinin Kids
If You Wouldnt Have Stayed True To Me To The Very End
Mullet I Love You And That Will Never Change

-- Jewel

"Mullet Love Poem"

All of my life I've been looking
For the perfect mullet to love
I have finally found the one I want
I know it's sent from above
I saw it on the head of a mailman
And at that moment I knew
That this mullet and I would be together forever
In love, and in happiness true

-- Cynthia M.

"A Mullet is a Beautiful Thing"

I live in a place called Frederick, Maryland
Where beautiful mullets are seen all around town
There, men and women alike sport the doo
South of the Mason-Dixon, a mullet's just right for you

Going to the barber shop, people yield at them scissors
If one is raised they kindly say, "Hold up, Jack!"
I want my wild beauty to have a business crop in the front,
And a wild party all rowdy in the back!

Mullets in Fredneck are honored and praised,
Not hidden under trucker hats thinkin' about them good ol' days
We're here to sport them, proud and true
We're the mullet champs of Fredneck
And we're comin' after you!

Mullets, what wild and beautiful prizes
A place where hats should never be set
As the West Virgina's slogan goes
It's a wild, wonderful pet

-- Eilee "supermeep"

Recent Hate Mail...


i'm sorry but havn't you people realized yet that mullets will do nothing but get you picked on? i used to beat up kids in school who had mullets. you may have been one? now please don't take offense as the internet is the greatest weapon of free speach to have ever graced our planet. i just want to understand the purpose...... the need to continue to accept ridicule at the hands of all normal (and usually liked) people. if you could please reply with 3 good reasons to wear a mullet i would greatly appreciate it.


p.s. i don't want to hear "it feels good" as a reason

[ Ummm, how about this for a reason -- it feels good!]


I have some comments on these lines in the poems "I 'd live in a trailer." See now I think that that is making fun of the people who live in trailers. Now u tell me what's wrong with living in a trailer. Actually it would be nice to live in a trailer because it is smaller and less stuff to clean. So why make fun? I'm going to have to agree with Vinny "MULLETS SHOULD BE BURNED .... WHAT'S THE POINT.... MOW HAWKS AND LIBERTY POINTS FOR LIFE."

From a hater of mullets.

[Actually, there are many people who live in trailers that are not Trailer Trash. We, at www.ILoveMullets.com, agree that trailers can be wonderful places to grow up and raise a family.

In fact, one does not even need to live in a trailer to be Trailer Trash. This editor happens to have a neighbor who owns a huge house. But, the neighbor also happens to have pig roasts each summer as well as hub caps and license plates nailed to his house. He qualifies as Trailer Trash. Did I mention, he has a mullet?]

-The Editor

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